OMG!!11!!! THE GREATEST NEWS EVER!!!111!!!!

Holy shit, breaking news everyone.  When I heard this news this morning it was like the heavens parted and I was blasted in the FACE with a ray of sunshine direct from God's urethra.  Wait is that good or bad?

Maybe it was like something more enjoyable happened.  It was like I found out my probation was over and I could finally take off this stupid ankle monitor.  Telling the judge, "It Chaffs, your honor and I have very sensitive skin" is not enough reason to be set free.  Much like the feeling I expect to have on that very momentous day this tidbit of news filled my belly with exuberant feelings of joyous rapture.  Rapture is another word for krispy kremes right?  I ate like 12 today.

So what's this news you say, and afterward someone asks you why you are talking to your computer monitor.  Get ready because you are about to be SOOO disappointed excited!!!


Phil Fucking Collins is releasing an album of all Soul covers!!!!  Rejoice!!!  Finally someone will do these songs justice.  Save them from their mediocre and craptacular original states and elevate them to art, Collins style.  Hopefully with his nuanced approach he can make people think, "My Girl" is about the lady he watched drown after being attacked by killer bees...too meta?  I've always thought when listening to classic motown, you know what would make this like 1 million times better?  If instead of Martha and the Vandals singing it was someone who better represented soul, someone like Phil Collins.  I usually said Michael Bolton but Collins will do.  Well you can thank me for all those nightly prayers I logged with the sunshine pisser upstairs.  Your wishes have been granted.  A quote from the man himself.

  "It shouldn't really be a surprise to anyone that I've finally made an album of my favourite Motown songs. These songs, along with a couple of Dusty Springfield tracks, a Phil Spector/Ronettes tune, and one by the Impressions, make up the tapestry, the backdrop, of my teenage years," Collins said.
"I remember it as if it was yesterday, going to the Marquee Club in London's Soho and watching The Who, The Action, and many others, playing these songs. In turn I'd go out the next day to buy the original versions. My idea, though, was not to bring anything new to these already great records, but to try to recreate the sounds and feelings that I had when I first heard them," added the 59-year-old artist."

Hopefully he does a cover of Seal's song "A Change Is Gonna Come."

There is one thing I can give Phil props for, I mean besides the "I can't dance" video, and that is that he accepted his baldness and shaved his head.  Good call on that one.  Seriously people you don't fool anyone.  Is it wrong to dismiss this album before it has even dropped?  Maybe,. but do you seriously ever think soulful and Phil Collins would be used in the same sentence?

Here is a glimpse of what it might be like Phil doing a Curtis song from that horrible tribute to Curtis album from 1994.

Phil Collins- I've Been Trying


Curtis Mayfield and the Impressions

Via    

Bad Ideas

Jesus Christ, you want to hear a bad idea? How about a tribute to Curtis Mayfield that was made in 1994. The Tribute isn't the bad idea maybe just that it happened to come to fruition in the year that shared events like the Major League Baseball Strike and the clubbing of Nancy Kerrigan.  If we could have planned that I bet we would have re-evaluated that timing. I just checked the top artists of 1994 and I saw the Real MCcoy, Ace Of Base, Richard Marx, Tevin Campbell and Michael Bolton. That era of music, though formative in my youth should pretty much be dead to the history books. Looking at that list made me feel dirty, kind of like this picture.

 For my money, I don't know if it gets any better than when he sings "When a Man Loves A Woman."

I don't think the word tribute was truly understood by the parties involved in this production.  The sentiment is nice, I am sure their intentions were pure and altruistic it's just the execution was flawed.  I am being too hard on them because it was just a bad time for music.  Just listen to this Gladys Knight version of, "Choice of Colors."  Listen to the arrangement and the instrumentation, the pure 94ness of it is amazing.  It's like everything that was wrong with that year in sonic form.  The drums oh man, those drums.  The good part starts 00:38 in. 

Gladys Knight- Choice Of Colors

Now cleanse your ears with the original. I just don't think you can really touch Curtis in his prime. His work with the Impressions is pretty high up in there on my list of musical achievements. At the very least if you are going to try and do a Curtis cover, do me a favor and don't be in the year 1994.

Curtis Mayfield- Choice Of Colors

They actually got some heavy hitters from 1994 to participate, this wasn't a low budget deal.  I am talking big names like, Eric Clapton, B.B. King, Bruce Springsteen, Whitney Houston, U2......and Phil Colins, don't worry none of them did any better with Curtis' legacy.  Listen to the Isley Brothers take a swing at it.

Isley Brothers- I'm So Proud


and the Q-tip to clean that shit out. The original is just too good. You stay away Mr Biggs!!!

Curtis Mayfield- I'm So Proud

You know what else is awesome about this album?  They had to pick a young star to play with the established artists.  They had to decide who the future of music was in 1994.  Who is the future Curtis in this young batch of up and comers?  Who will carry the torch through the next 20 years with stellar output and pure musical genius like Curtis?  That must have been quite a dilemma when looking at such a talented stable of musicians.  But they had to decide, and guess who they ended up going with.........Tevin motherfucking Campbell.  Was he even popular for all of 1994?  Sorry that wasn't my genre back then.  The crazy part is that Tevin actually does a good job.  Maybe because I am not as attached to the Curtis song that he is covering, or just the fact that the production doesn't assault my ears with it's dated instrumentation.  Score one for Tevin....it's still not great though...horrible fucking album.

Tevin Campbell- Keep On Pushin'