Friday, April 16, 2010

OMG!!11!!! THE GREATEST NEWS EVER!!!111!!!!

Holy shit, breaking news everyone.  When I heard this news this morning it was like the heavens parted and I was blasted in the FACE with a ray of sunshine direct from God's urethra.  Wait is that good or bad?


Maybe it was like something more enjoyable happened.  It was like I found out my probation was over and I could finally take off this stupid ankle monitor.  Telling the judge, "It Chaffs, your honor and I have very sensitive skin" is not enough reason to be set free.  Much like the feeling I expect to have on that very momentous day this tidbit of news filled my belly with exuberant feelings of joyous rapture.  Rapture is another word for krispy kremes right?  I ate like 12 today.

So what's this news you say, and afterward someone asks you why you are talking to your computer monitor.  Get ready because you are about to be SOOO disappointed excited!!!


Phil Fucking Collins is releasing an album of all Soul covers!!!!  Rejoice!!!  Finally someone will do these songs justice.  Save them from their mediocre and craptacular original states and elevate them to art, Collins style.  Hopefully with his nuanced approach he can make people think, "My Girl" is about the lady he watched drown after being attacked by killer bees...too meta?  I've always thought when listening to classic motown, you know what would make this like 1 million times better?  If instead of Martha and the Vandals singing it was someone who better represented soul, someone like Phil Collins.  I usually said Michael Bolton but Collins will do.  Well you can thank me for all those nightly prayers I logged with the sunshine pisser upstairs.  Your wishes have been granted.  A quote from the man himself.

  "It shouldn't really be a surprise to anyone that I've finally made an album of my favourite Motown songs. These songs, along with a couple of Dusty Springfield tracks, a Phil Spector/Ronettes tune, and one by the Impressions, make up the tapestry, the backdrop, of my teenage years," Collins said.
"I remember it as if it was yesterday, going to the Marquee Club in London's Soho and watching The Who, The Action, and many others, playing these songs. In turn I'd go out the next day to buy the original versions. My idea, though, was not to bring anything new to these already great records, but to try to recreate the sounds and feelings that I had when I first heard them," added the 59-year-old artist."

Hopefully he does a cover of Seal's song "A Change Is Gonna Come."

There is one thing I can give Phil props for, I mean besides the "I can't dance" video, and that is that he accepted his baldness and shaved his head.  Good call on that one.  Seriously people you don't fool anyone.  Is it wrong to dismiss this album before it has even dropped?  Maybe,. but do you seriously ever think soulful and Phil Collins would be used in the same sentence?

Here is a glimpse of what it might be like Phil doing a Curtis song from that horrible tribute to Curtis album from 1994.

Phil Collins- I've Been Trying


Curtis Mayfield and the Impressions

Via    

1 comment: