That title should up the page views huh? It's holiday time, I can tell because my co-worker is playing Christmas music non-stop, yeaahhh!!! What the fuck is figgy pudding and why would you come to my doorstep and demand some? Just because you sing your demands doesn't make them any less demanding. Let me try, and see if you like it. "Now bring me your youngest daughter and a bottle of beeeer." *Runs at the sound of sirens* This music must stop. I'm warning you lady subjecting me to this nonsense is like poking a bear in a cage, I am liable to...ask you to please refrain from such activity post haste. Maybe more like poking a very civilized well mannered bear in a cage, but a bear no less!! *adjusts monocle* Either way, y'all gon make me lose my mind. How many of you muttered "up in here, up in here" to yourself? How many of you are now growling and speeding through the Arizona desert with suspended licenses?
The main reason for this post was because of the amazing online store that Boingboing featured the other day. Das Programm only features products designed by Dieter Rams, who is pretty much a god when it comes to design. His record player is my profile pic on this blog and I have pined for his stuff for years. His work is displayed in the New York Museum of Modern Art and is also currently on exhibit at the SFMOMA. So he is kind of a big deal. I have no idea how these guys are able to stock an online store with his stuff, since they are literally museum pieces. But I can tell you that I go and look at the SK5 almost every day and hope that someone else buys it so that I can stop obsessing and thinking that I may be able to obtain it. Gaaah, can't stop drooling.
Perhaps some more reasonable options for your loved ones after the jump...although if you really loved them you would get them the items above. Just saying. *Clears space for record player*
It's true you can call me a Grinch or a Scrooge if you want to. I really don't care. I have nothing against the commercialization of the holiday, that's actually my favorite part. Here is why I don't like Christmas music, I just take issue with songs that suck. Simple as that, I don't hate Christmas, just shitty songs, and at what time of year do radio stations play non-stop shitty songs? The correct answer is all year, but what I mean is when do they play extra shitty songs? That's right during Christmas.
You can not tell me that Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is a good song. You can say it's a sentimental song, that it's tied back to your youth and reminds you of your sugary sweet childhood and your Eddie Bauer turtlenecks, but you can't say that it's a good song. It's corny, it's maaaad corny. Fuck Frosty, Grandma got ran over by a reindeer? Seriously? Who needs to hear that bullshit? It's gross, not in subject matter but just in general.
I used to work in a mall, they played Christmas music during the holidays. Kind of expected, I can deal with that. Most of the songs irritated me, some infuriated me. This one sticks out as one of the worst songs I have ever heard, Christmas themed or otherwise.
You want an alien for Christmas? I hate you. Good news though, this song still gets played because regardless of whether or not a song sucks, if you mention snow, some jackass will put it on a, "Now That's What I Call shitty Christmas Music vol. 68." Other honorable mentions for worst Christmas music, The New Kids On The Block and the entire, "Funky, Funky Christmas" album and Bob Dylan with his weird holiday album. Do we really need to hear Bob growling about Santa Claus?
Now with all that being said, I would be remiss to not acknowledge that .02 percent of Christmas music that doesn't entirely suck. Someone would yell at me if I didn't mention, "All I Want For Christmas Is You," by Mariah Carey. It doesn't suck Jingle Bells sized balls, and I acknowledge it as a well executed Christmas song. But I am more of a Dean Martin, "Baby It's Cold Outside" kind of guy. Nat King Cole can sing about whatever he wants too, chestnuts on fires. Hmm, sounds like a horrible idea for a song, but Nat will make it work. The, "Charlie Brown Christmas" soundtrack is also extremely well done. I am a sucker for Vince Guaraldi. I am also a fan of Mayer Hawthorne. You might be able to tell with his mention in every other post. Anyway, two of the things that I like; Vince and Mayer are united on this song, "Christmas Time Is Here." Mayer just posted it yesterday and, shieet even I can't be mad at it. Merry Christmas. *Adjusts turtleneck*
Here's what Mayer had to say, "All the best Christmas songs were written by Jews, and Chanukah songs suck. This is my favorite Christmas tune, sung over the Vince Guaraldi instrumental." Mayer Hawthorne - Christmas Time Is Here by Mayer Hawthorne
